Here's a link to my Portfolio!
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Hello Everyone! My name is Shivani Patel. I am from Clinton, OK. I was born in India but moved here with my family to the United State wh... -
Here's a link to my Portfolio! The Tales of Karna and Kunti
Hi Shivani!
ReplyDeleteYour story really caught me interest because my whole storybook is about Arjuna and Karna! I haven't started on their fight scene yet, but I can imagine I'm going to make it just as dramatic as yours! Two brothers facing off to the death is a big deal and you did a great job capturing that! I feel like the dialogue you included made the fight scene more relateable because the type of speech they were usually seemed normal. It was just two brothers that were fighting. I wish that there were details about the setting and the feeling in that moment. I feel like by adding those two things, you could increase the chance that the reader will really feel like they're in the battle with Karna and Arjuna! Other than that, great story!
Hey Shivani! I think that having a link to you blog and your comment page is a great idea! Also, the added information about how you will be writing in the character's perspective is super helpful for us to get an idea for what's to come. The point of view style you used is creative and enticing, and the way that you transition from one character's POV to the next is helpful and easy to follow. The second story was super tragic. I'm curious though, why did Kunti have to giver up her son? Was he destined to be a trouble maker or would she have been shunned for having a baby out of wedlock? I know from the previous story that he survives because he ends up fighting his brother, but I wonder what happens in between all of that. Good cliff hanger because now I want to know more!
ReplyDeleteHi Shivani! I really like the set-up of your website. I like how interconnected all of your websites are. It's smart that you include both a link the Comment Wall and your general blog from your Storybook website. I also like the theme that you're using. The picture used for the banner image is fantastic . Yours is also the first blog that includes music for an "optimal reading experience"! What a creative idea! I like how you switch between both Arjuna and Karna's point of views. It helps paint a more complete picture of what is happening in the story. It also provides background on what each of them are thinking and provides more context on why they feel so strongly towards each other. The images that you use for both of your stories are great! In your second story, you did a great job capturing the emotion that Kunti was probably feeling due to having to let Karma go. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani! I love how you went into depth about Kunti's experience in giving up Karna when he was born, as it was such a hard decision for her but the PDE version doesn't give much insight into the pain that it caused Kunti. If you were to add anything else into the story, maybe you could end a detail at the end that tells us about how much Kunti thought about Karna for the rest of her life and maybe you could even say that she would pray for him everyday and wondered where he was. When she thinks about what her life would have been like if she did not give Karna up, you could also include details about what the negative aspects of that would be, such as the stigma that would fall upon her as a single mother and how Karna might be judged because he was born out of wedlock
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani,
ReplyDeleteYour story, Inner Thoughts really caught my eye by its format. I like how you have separated it to each one's point-of-view and have the dialogue for each character. I also like how it was very modern and not ancient. It was more easy to relate and read through with ease. I see that you kept the plot the same for the most part and the figurative language, which I think is great. When Karna's bow snapped, I knew what was coming for him. Such a thrilling battle between the two brothers and a settling end.
Hi Shivani!
ReplyDeleteThis story was impressive! One thing I really liked about it was that you showed both point of views without using too much passive thought (something I've struggled with). I think overall you do a good job of making it more modern with their dialogue, but also, keeping it within the cultural theme by bringing up that Karna was being hypocritical. You also do a good job of addressing the backstory of their fight and covering how Arjuna really isn't doing this out of malice. The second story was also really interesting! I think the emotion that she feels right from the get go displays a strong overall tone for the story, and it feels a lot different from the first one, where we have an idea that a battle will occur very soon. Overall, this was a great story, and I can't wait to read more of them!
Hey Shivani! I just want to start off by saying that I totally loved your story! The creativity and imagination that was integrated with your writing was superb! I can see you put a lot of hard work and time into your story! Keep it up! I liked your use of dialogue. It really brought the characters to life. I was able to relate even more with the characters and get into their minds. I also would like to comment on your web site page! I have to say it looks really great! Comparing mine to yours, I want to put more work into mine! I was able to easily navigate through the web page, which was very nice. However, I look forward to reading more of your stories! Good luck with the rest of your semester! It is coming close to an end! Also, have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani! I took a look through your project website. First off, that picture on your introduction page is gorgeous. I am super impressed that you took it! Your introduction page in general also looks great. I like that you have links to your blog and comment wall, as well as the fact that you have descriptions of your stories on your intro. It does a great job of introducing the website! I also read through both of your stories as well. I loved the plots of both of your stories; they were both from a great perspective. In both stories, you did a marvelous job of really getting into the characters’ heads and showing the readers their inner thoughts – in Arjun and Karna’s heads in the first story and then Kunti’s head in the second story. I enjoyed reading through both of those stories and look forward to seeing other stories from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Shivani! Your storybook was great. The music you put with the story inner thoughts set the mood for the story very well. I also thought it was helpful how you labeled each switch between Karna and Arjuna's point of view; both characters were well described and the language you used brought the story down to earth. It was an interesting change from the language in the stories we have read. I was a little confused on what happened in the original story though; maybe you could talk about this some more in your author's note? Also, why do the brothers hate each other so much? This is explained in the story we read before, but when I started the story, I kind of had to remind myself of why there was a conflict. It might be a good idea to introduce the conflict between the characters before getting into the battle. Great stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani! I am so glad that your storybook showed up on my list to read! The first things that I noticed and really liked were the images that you used. I am very visual person so by you choosing the images that you did I was able to have an idea of what was taking place. Your stories did a great job of doing that for me too, and I could imagine what was happening at every second in your stories! I still feel so sorry for Kunti and even Arjuna and Karma to a degree. You did a great job at invoking that emotion! Awesome job doing that and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Shivani! I read your “Inner Thoughts” story. I thought the story was unique and really creative. The tension and fight between Arjuna and Karna is one of the most interesting stories in Indian epics, and I like the beginning of your story: Arjuna watched as his brother Karna stepped onto the battlefield, bow at the ready. “Look at his stupid face,” thought Arjuna. Arjuna and Karna did fight each other nip and tuck. This sounds really intense and fearful: “I have to win this fight. If Karna beats me, my soldiers are going to make fun of me. Bhima is going to crush me to death. Literally crush me to death,” thought Arjuna. Perhaps this was the drive behind Arjuna’s determination and urge to win the battle. The POV part of the story is very much similar to the original story. Karna wasn’t fair-minded and absolutely ruthless. I wonder why the story would have been different if Karna won the battle. And what if Arjuna spared Karna's life despite his past evil deeds? I bet Arjuna perhaps be revenged by Karna later for sparing his life. Thank you for a great story!
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani! I enjoyed reading your story, Inner Thoughts. I liked how you switched back & forth between each brother’s point of view. I’m also glad that you labeled each one before you began or else I would have been so confused as to what was going on. One thing that I think you could add to the story would be to describe the setting a little more. I realized that they were fighting but painting the picture of what was really going on would have made it much easier for me to visualize the entire story. In your note, you mentioned that you kept some of the figurative language from the original story. I thought that was cool. You could’ve even kept them exactly the same by saying “stinging like a snake”. That would’ve brought in more vivid details. Overall, I thought it was a good adaptation of the story! I also thought it was great that you had the music ready for us to play in the background!
ReplyDeleteHi Shivani! Your portfolio looks amazing. I could tell by just the glimpse from opening up your website. The title that you have used for your portfolio is also great! It captures the reader’s attention, including myself! Your images that you have used for your home page and stories is amazing. It helps give the readers an idea on what we would expect which you did an excellent job at! After reading your first story, I must say, it was awesome and very creative. It was so creative that you transitioned your story from the original story by adding a script. The script was a great way to feel entertained and to sense your personality when you wrote it! I also never thought about adding a video to the story which makes your portfolio stand out even more! Overall, you have done a wonderful job, Shivani. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Shivani!
ReplyDeleteI really loved your portfolio project! You did a great job on the design and layout of your project. I can tell you put some work into it. Also, the picture on your home page is so beautiful! I can't believe you actually took it. Your stories were also very nice! In your first story, I thought it was creative of you to write the battle between Arjuna and Karna in their own point of views. It was nice to see what the two brothers were thinking while fighting one another. In addition, I enjoyed your second story because we got to see more on what Kunti was going through when she had to give up her child. A suggestion I have for you is that maybe in your first story you could add a little paragraph at the beginning that sets the setting of the fight, which might make it more easy to visualize. Overall, you did a great job on your project!
Hey Shivani!
ReplyDeleteI like that you began and ended your storybook with Arjuna and Karna fighting. The point of views and timelines that the stories are written about gave me a better idea of what exactly was happening at any given moment. The descriptions you gave of Karna's dress ware in the last story was quite descriptive and painted a picture for me. I also like that you included the part in the last story about how Kunti felt a connection, this ties in the second story so well! You have done such a nice job at choosing your story progression and the ending story does such a nice job of tying them all together. Great job and happy end of semester!
Hi Shivani! I read your “Rough Goodbyes” story. I really liked the story and I thought it was truly creative and amazing. The beginning of the story begins in interesting way: As Kunti made her way down to the river with her newborn son, she couldn't help feeling overwhelmed with emotions of all range. She felt shame, and anger, and grief. She had millions of thoughts running through her mind I wonder why though. Newborn son should be celebrated, not anguish like this story. Indeed I think Kunti shouldn’t give up her son. I like how Kunti thought this way: “He’s glowing like a burning star,” thought Kunti.” Wow.. It’s an amazing visual detail: He radiated light just like his father. I really like this fascinating story of Kunti and her amazing son. I wonder if Kunti’s son was average without special abilities like it was described in the story. I bet story would have turned out differently. Thank you for a great story!
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